It Will Never End

The fear you brought to be
A fear that paralyzes me
A hold over my soul
A hold over my life
Even though for years
I haven't been your wife
The words of anger
The ongoing threats
They'll never end
I've already placed my bets

You've shattered my hopes
You've destroyed my dreams
This has been your mission
For years that's how its seems
Like a black cloud
looming over me
You'll never go away
I'll never be completely free
Free from these chains
that you hold so tight
Free from these battles
that I never wanted to fight

We've all met him...

We've all met him...

That sweet talking guy that says everything we want to hear and uses cute little names like "baby, love, doll & sweetheart" He shows up at your door with one single long stemmed rose, opens the car door and places his hand on your lower back when you walk. He pulls you in with talks of what he's hoping to find, the future he has in mind and a million compliments of how beautiful you are. As soon as the doubts are gone...suddenly he is too. He's not ready for a relationship, he wishes he was because you're perfect for him! He's just not ready to move on from his past yet....until someone better than you comes along.
So here you sit, with your heart in one hand and the complex he gave you in the other. No need to get upset or let the tears fall because this time its okay, this time you knew better and this time you followed your instincts. You knew that all those little things he said to you he also said to the dozens of women before you and as hard as it was, you didn't let yourself fall for him. You had the sense to follow your instinct and back away as soon as you heard those words "I'm not ready". You knew this was code for "You aren't the one that I'm looking for but we can have fun well I look for the right one"
As women we tend to hear what we want to hear, we want to hear that we're beautiful and that we're accepted for our faults no matter what they are and more than anything...we want to be loved. Does that mean that we ignore that small voice in the back of our heads that tell us to back away? No...it means that we become smarter and we follow our hearts and try to listen to what our heads are telling us because for the most part, we're always right when it comes to instincts!

(This note was written a while back but was never posted)

These visions

These visions that haunt me
They cloud my mind
Flashing in front of me
From time to time
Your head goes back
A slight moan of pleasure
The woman isn't me
We're not together
It breaks my heart
It hurts deep inside
I try to forget
But the pain I cant hide

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Valentine's Day

Usually I'm like the grinch when it comes to Valentine's Day. After years of not celebrating it I've come to dread it and hate it. Most years I've spent it alone, bummed out, disappointed and hoping it will pass quickly.
This year was different though, this year was perfect...this year it was welcomed and this year it came early.
Laying there in his arms, a spot that's become my favorite place to be...he reached around and gave me a long gold box with a red bow. I couldn't get the wrapping off fast enough, I admit I was like a little girl on Christmas morning lol
Inside the box was the most beautiful bracelet...11 white gold hearts entwined with 11 yellow gold hearts. Simply beautiful, simply amazing...simply a wonderful night filled with love, passion and endless smiles that still linger the next morning.
I love this feeling <3
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

New site address

So apparently my page was generating a bit of bullshit. As you all know I have a crazy ex, so for the sake of saving his pride I won't use his name, we will refer to him as "Douchebag" from this point on. Douchebag likes to make my life a living hell! Talk about needing a head check, a month ago he was crying that he made a huge mistake. He had this life changing moment and realized that he was still in love with me BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...too little, too late!! So for this reason and many others, I have moved my blog to a different address for those of you who enjoy reading it.

The eyes say it all

I've layed in his arms a dozen times and I've never felt anything like what I felt tonight. Laying there with his arms wrapped around me everything just felt right. Any doubts I had suddenly vanished with one tender kiss on my forehead from him...one of the many things he does that makes my heart skip a beat. As he cups my face with both of his hands, kisses me softly, looks me straight in the eyes and tells me that he loves me...I know that he truly does.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Sad Girls in the Snow

I couldn't resist posting this picture when I came across it today...totally fits my state of mind right now...

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong -doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author unknown

Twenty questions

1. Why do people ask if you have an extra smoke when they know packs don't come with extras?

2. Why is it I have over 700 channels and still can't find something to watch?

3. Why can't Emily get a promotion at bell, I mean she's been answering the phones for ages now!

4. Why hasn't someone made a nose warmer yet?

5. Why is it so easy to fall for someone but impossible to get over them?

6. Why does it cost more to file for divorce than it does to get married...haven't we paid enough already?

7. Why can't puppies and kittens stay cute, cuddly and little forever?

8. Why doesn't Tim Hortons deliver...seriously, wtf?!

9. Why don't beds come equiped with handcuffs?

10. why does the smelliest person on the bus ALWAYS sit beside me?

11. Why do people say "We'll keep in touch!" and never do?

12. Why isn't my house the same as the Jetson's?

13. Why don't ice cream cones come lined with peanut butter and chocolate?

14. Why does Tequila taste so bad but make me feel so good?

15. Why doesn't life come with a manual containing a table of contents, FAQ and troubleshooting chapters?

16. Why aren't the raindrops chocolate chips and gum drops?

17. Why do we push away people that care about us?

18. Why doesn't money grow on trees?

19. Why can't we buy a bottle of happiness or a jar of hugs?

20. Why am I even doing this? Lol

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Do fairy tales come true?

"We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhoods. The shoe fits Cinderella. The frog turns into a prince. Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time. And then they lived happily every after. Fairy tales. The stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairy tales don’t come true.

It’s the other stories. The ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that always seem to become reality.

The person that invented the phrase “Happily ever after,” should have his ass kicked – so hard."

I couldn't have said it better myself! We grow up thinking that life is really nothing more than a book of fairy tales and go around searching for our prince charming...do we ever really find him? In the end all we really want is to be happy, to find that special someone that makes our heart skip a beat each and every time we see that person. Once we find that special someone, that someone that gives us butterflies each and every time...we do everything we can to hold onto that person. Unfortunately though, we don't always end our stories with "Happily ever after". Our stories are compiled with chapters of ups and downs, sadness, despair, good friends and not so good friends but most importantly...lessons learned. Never forget the past, its made you who you are today. Don't resent the Knight in shinning armor that turned out to be nothing but a jerk in tinfoil...he only helped to make you stronger.

We make our own story, our own happy endings and our own fairy tales.