Here in the dark

The closer I get to the door, the louder the music gets. My stomach gets butterflies as I take a deep breath in. He checks my purse and then I give her my name. My head starts to move with the beat, my legs with anticipation. She secures my wristband and I'm ready to go. I can feel it coming - that feeling I get nowhere else. As soon as I turn that corner it sets in, I feel like I've waited so long for this! The music is so loud, it goes right though me. I make my way through the crowd, I find my spot and let the music take control. Right here, right now, at this moment - I am free, I am me. I love this place, its so carefree...here in the dark, I can finally be me.
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It Will Never End

The fear you brought to be
A fear that paralyzes me
A hold over my soul
A hold over my life
Even though for years
I haven't been your wife
The words of anger
The ongoing threats
They'll never end
I've already placed my bets

You've shattered my hopes
You've destroyed my dreams
This has been your mission
For years that's how its seems
Like a black cloud
looming over me
You'll never go away
I'll never be completely free
Free from these chains
that you hold so tight
Free from these battles
that I never wanted to fight

We've all met him...

We've all met him...

That sweet talking guy that says everything we want to hear and uses cute little names like "baby, love, doll & sweetheart" He shows up at your door with one single long stemmed rose, opens the car door and places his hand on your lower back when you walk. He pulls you in with talks of what he's hoping to find, the future he has in mind and a million compliments of how beautiful you are. As soon as the doubts are gone...suddenly he is too. He's not ready for a relationship, he wishes he was because you're perfect for him! He's just not ready to move on from his past yet....until someone better than you comes along.
So here you sit, with your heart in one hand and the complex he gave you in the other. No need to get upset or let the tears fall because this time its okay, this time you knew better and this time you followed your instincts. You knew that all those little things he said to you he also said to the dozens of women before you and as hard as it was, you didn't let yourself fall for him. You had the sense to follow your instinct and back away as soon as you heard those words "I'm not ready". You knew this was code for "You aren't the one that I'm looking for but we can have fun well I look for the right one"
As women we tend to hear what we want to hear, we want to hear that we're beautiful and that we're accepted for our faults no matter what they are and more than anything...we want to be loved. Does that mean that we ignore that small voice in the back of our heads that tell us to back away? No...it means that we become smarter and we follow our hearts and try to listen to what our heads are telling us because for the most part, we're always right when it comes to instincts!

(This note was written a while back but was never posted)

These visions

These visions that haunt me
They cloud my mind
Flashing in front of me
From time to time
Your head goes back
A slight moan of pleasure
The woman isn't me
We're not together
It breaks my heart
It hurts deep inside
I try to forget
But the pain I cant hide

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Valentine's Day

Usually I'm like the grinch when it comes to Valentine's Day. After years of not celebrating it I've come to dread it and hate it. Most years I've spent it alone, bummed out, disappointed and hoping it will pass quickly.
This year was different though, this year was perfect...this year it was welcomed and this year it came early.
Laying there in his arms, a spot that's become my favorite place to be...he reached around and gave me a long gold box with a red bow. I couldn't get the wrapping off fast enough, I admit I was like a little girl on Christmas morning lol
Inside the box was the most beautiful bracelet...11 white gold hearts entwined with 11 yellow gold hearts. Simply beautiful, simply amazing...simply a wonderful night filled with love, passion and endless smiles that still linger the next morning.
I love this feeling <3
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New site address

So apparently my page was generating a bit of bullshit. As you all know I have a crazy ex, so for the sake of saving his pride I won't use his name, we will refer to him as "Douchebag" from this point on. Douchebag likes to make my life a living hell! Talk about needing a head check, a month ago he was crying that he made a huge mistake. He had this life changing moment and realized that he was still in love with me BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...too little, too late!! So for this reason and many others, I have moved my blog to a different address for those of you who enjoy reading it.

The eyes say it all

I've layed in his arms a dozen times and I've never felt anything like what I felt tonight. Laying there with his arms wrapped around me everything just felt right. Any doubts I had suddenly vanished with one tender kiss on my forehead from him...one of the many things he does that makes my heart skip a beat. As he cups my face with both of his hands, kisses me softly, looks me straight in the eyes and tells me that he loves me...I know that he truly does.

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